Faith and Fire

It’s almost 10 o’clock in the evening. I’m sitting here on the couch while my little brother watches the movie, “Facing the Giants” nearby. The story line follows fictional football coach, Grant Taylor, who has coached the Shiloh Eagles¬†for 6 seasons with minimal success. He and his wife are unable to have children and he nearly loses his job. Dreams lie in shattered pieces about them.

As the movie progresses, Grant and his wife seek a deeper experience of trust in God….an experience which paves the path for revival throughout the entire academy where Grant coaches, a winning football season, and a miracle conception. The message? We serve a God of miracles. We do.

In my last post I mentioned a far-from-comprehensive list of the miracles God has performed in my personal life. (EMT class is going great, by the way.) Still, as I sit here tonight, I struggle again with disbelief.

20160407_165444You see, tonight my mother is in the ER. She’s been there for over five hours and I still haven’t heard anything. I’m scared. Just like when I was younger, I’m scared.

My stomach twists, my appetite completely a thing of the past.

I’m almost finished with my EMT class, but I still can’t do anything. I’m helpless sitting here with the little siblings wondering if she’s going to be okay…and wondering how we’ll ever go on if this time she’s not.

Is it another odd scare? She’ll be just fine as soon as she rests a few days? Or is it serious this time? Is she going to come home? ¬†Are they going to give her a short time to live? Are they going to give her a clean bill of health? Can they make her pain go away and spare her life?

I don’t know.

That’s the excruciatingly hard truth. I don’t know.

So I continue to sit here. I stand still and trust an unknown future to a known God. It sounds easier as a cliche, but it is SO hard in reality.

Almighty God, tonight I give my mother again to you. I love her more than seems possible, but I know somehow you love her so much more. Carry her, hold her, comfort her, strengthen her. When I am weak, You are strong…I trust Your strength to be enough.

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